Confessions of a Cereal Killer

The Irony

Dear Everybody

I’m sure many of you kaypohs are dying from curiousity about my love life, now that I’m single again. So, this post is to keep all of my fans happy! Topic du jour: The Exciting ‘Love Life’ of Therese Yeow.

So, first of all, for the uninformed, I think you should know that I’ve parted ways with my ex-boyfriend, about three or four months ago. I wonder how people maintain good relationships with their old flames, because I tried keeping in touch, doing the we-can-still-be-friends thing, but it didn’t work. After a few attempts at ‘communicating’, I got confused as to whether we were just friends or back in the game. Certainly, I’m sure it’s not common practice to argue with your friends four out of the five times you talk. To put it simply, we ended up being total bitches to each other.

The relationship was already dead for as long as three months, and we were STILL arguing.

Moving on…

And I’m back in the dating game. Yes, my friends, I’m seeing someone!

You know most people have a very different idea about dating. Especially in Malaysia, I notice most local guys don’t date per se, if you get what I mean? They don’t do the whole ask-you-out-on-a-date-coffee-dinner-or-movie thing. Oh, but I understand, you local guys are just really lazy shy.

Anyway, I’m seeing someone now, unlike the masses, seemingly he’s doing it the traditional gwailow way, dating, and then seeing how it goes. Meaning, we’re just dating and not in a relationship yet. But this new guy, is apparently doing it the local way under the guise of gwailow style dating. He asks me out on a first date (which was incredibly nice, I might add), and then proceeds to talk to me everyday on MSN after that (which was incredibly pleasant, too) and then proceeds to talk to me as if we’re already in a relationship (which was incredibly stressful). Yes, we are communicating just like the way you do with your steady boyfriend/girlfriend, which includes arguments (and lots of honesty).

Yes I said that were ‘just dating’. But we’re already arguing and doing reality. Confused? Let me get down to the technicalities (tentatively):

                                                     Hours

One date                                             2½

About 50 sms-es                                4

MSN (in two days)                             5

                                                       ____

Total duration of communication      11½

Yes, less than 12 hours of communication, and we’re already having miscommunication. Good God. I’m actually having problems with my non-existent relationship.

Just a few weeks back I was having problems with my relationship that was over, and now I’m having problems with a relationship that hasn’t even begun yet!

I’m fighting the unborn while still haggling with the dead.

The stuff of (liquid) dreams

Dear Everybody,

And I’m back on Friendster blogs! I figured I need the cheap publicity. My www.public mentalmasturbation.blogspot.com idea didn’t really hit it off, because I figured NO ONE would visit it thus resulting in myself feeling too demotivated to write anything.

Anyway, back to business. After months of absence, I’m back with my first entry, and to commemorate this I’m going to discuss a very serious issue faced by hot chicks (like me) around the world. The Burning Question:

Is it a good thing for a girl to discover that her close male friends secretly harbour thoughts of screwing her?

Recently, I’ve made interesting discoveries about certain male friends of mine. Shocking ones. Yeah I know I’m hot and all, but I don’t want to know that I successfully made it to the level of being your masturbation fodder! And for God’s sake, KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!

A few trustworthy (I hope!) male friends of mine told me that normally guys keep these stuff to themselves. Granted, I kinda discovered all this with the help of some alcohol. But then again, the people in question all insisted that they weren’t drunk although their breaths smelled like a freakin lavatory. But I did made some discoveries through some who told me this under the very thin disguise of ‘joking’! come on, man, girls have ESP or physic abilities or women’s intuition or whatever you call it.

I have met The Most Disgusting of them all though. He watches you from a distance without your knowledge, ‘sees’ through your clothes, and goes home and jacks off with you in mind, and then VOLUNTARILY TELLS YOU ABOUT IT. Revolting! Why pick on some innocent girl, who has no choice but to be born hot? Get a life and get online. The internet is for porn, my friend. Utilise it!

Some people tell me that a girl should be flattered to know stuff like this. I mean, really, wouldn’t you be the happiest person in the world to find out that all your friends of the opposite sex are friends with you because they want bang you? I know guys will definitely agree with this because it’s like an alpha male kinda thing right? Whoever gets the most love means he has the biggest gun and everyone loves a huge weapon. Well, but what about the ladies?

I hope to get some feedback from readers on this one. If God wills it, Friendster will effectively do my promotion so that there will be enough people to garner a few comments on this cutting edge issue that I’ve brought up.

My dear fans, our primary education (MTV, Friendster, Myspace and the other essential tools of life) teaches us that it’s the coolest thing to be idolized and be masturbated to. Cause it obviously means you’re hot. It means that you’re the (wet)dream girl everyone else wants to be!

Well, what do YOU think?

xoxo